A few people have been talking to me about their books lately. I enjoy books, I love them. What I do not always enjoy is working with writers. They are a rare breed, the saying, “I don’t need children, I have Authors” comes to mind. It isn’t really writers that annoy me, it is people who ask for my advice only to tell me that they read something else on the internet. Why are you wasting my time?
I’m writing this down, because I keep saying the same things, over and over and over.
- The publishing firms you dream of picking up your novel, are not going to accept the manuscript you wrote beginning to end. If they do, you are the exception to the rule. You are indeed the freak your mom lied to you and told you that you were not in high school.
- Your new bible is Writer’s Market, you will find it in the reference section of your local library. If that is news to you, you are behind the competition.
- There is competition, and you better hurry because the competition has an agent.
- Larger libraries will have Guide to Literary Agents. Yes, I am going to tell you to look at it. You are not JK nor is your book Bridges.
- While you are at the library you should look at Novel and Short Story Writer’s Market, because one of the best things you can do for your novel is to write and sell great short stories to as many people as possible. When you talk to agents and when your agent talks to firms your piddle diddle blog is not going to hold up to the competition’s list of magazines that picked up their stuff.
- Join a writers group that meets in person, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD AND MONEY.
- Worry less about the grammar, that can be fixed by interns, your shoddy story telling, your lack of interesting diction, your poorly developed characters and your lack of direction require your attention.
- You are not going to make money on your book sales, just FYI. Want to make the big money write a book that would make a good movie with merchandising possibilities.
- Read the NY Times book review, every Sunday. http://www.nytimes.com/pages/books/review/ You care what the NYT says about your book.
- Write with a purpose, do not waste your time with stream on bullshit writing. You are not in middle school, and they really shouldn’t teach kids to do that anyway. Always write with a clear knowledge of your intended audience and a clear sense of purpose. To do anything else is a waste of your time. Time that you should be using to write charming short stories.
- No, at this point in your career you cannot publish a collection of short stories about your life, but you can publish a short story about whatever you want. Trust me, there is a market for your story, it is a matter of finding it. If you cannot find a market for your short story you will not find a market for your novel.
- I know you think you are fooling everyone by saying you haven’t sent your book out into the world because you are fixing just one more thing, but you are not and you should just admit that you are scared.
- Do not be scared, your manuscript will be rejected. You have nothing to fear, it will be rejected. Rejection is merely part of the process.
- All You Need to Know about The Music Business by Donald Passman will explain everything you need to know about royalties, contracts and signing deals. It may be written about the music business but, the same theories apply. Anytime the book names MJ or Madonna insert John Grisham or Anne Rice. If the book names someone and calls them a serious exception that never ever happens, insert JK.
- A sample chapter does not need to be the first chapter, if a firm wants more than one chapter they do not need to be consecutive.
- Have a plan but be willing to adapt.
- Be prepared for the publisher to ask you to do things like work with a ghost writer, rewrite everything you have and make drastic changes.
